so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize