I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
