I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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