So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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