This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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