She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
