And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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