in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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