there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
