I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
