Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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