We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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