I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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