need another drink. this is the easiest way
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
