My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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