Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize