Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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