grandma shit on top of the toilet
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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