The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
