literally had 100 drinks last night.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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