I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
