Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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