mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
