I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
