i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
