You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
