OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize