Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
