I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
