Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
