i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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