Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
