Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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