im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
