dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize