Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
false alarm. still invincible.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
