fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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