I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
