You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
