i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize