What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so let's talk penis.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
