it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I want a musical about memes.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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