im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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