hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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