We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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