I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
