Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
