the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
