Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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