I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
