So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
