stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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