I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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