You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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