Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
