Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
