and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
