Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
