when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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