I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
