how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
