I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize